this is going to be a long entry seeing that i have not been properly updating for such a long time.
The reason behind this long hiatus is due to the many projects and assignments which we are tasked to do by RMIT. Today, 07/04/2008, marks the end of all projects and assignments and presentaion to be carried out in this semester and although im kinda relieved by getting it over and done with, im somewhat undergoing through a mild stage of depression over this whole semester.
I cant stress any much more on the importance of matching own's expectations with that of your group members' expectations you choose to work with over a gruelling period of 1 whole semester. It seems that my fate this time round has to be on the downside of that of a playground slide. At the beginning of this semester when everyone was scurrying around looking for groups to work with, my passive decision has resulted in the situation which lands me in this entire semester. Although approached by other groups of individuals, i promptly declined any invitation only because i was afraid the new working environment i would have to adjust to if i chose to work with these new individuals. Also, since i presume things would go well this semester with the current groups of individuals im drafted to work with, my presumptions has proven itself to be completely wrong and groundless over the course of this whole semester. It is depressing to know that the success of each project to be handed in lies in only 1 or 2 individuals in the group while the others simply do not possess the ability, do not see the need to put in as much as these 1 or 2 individuals, or just treat it that these 1 or 2 individuals has the capability to finish the projects by themselves and that they will be magnanimous enough to regard the lack of effort from the rest of the group as a passing parcel of smoke oozing out from a certain blackened chimney. As a perfectly normal human being with healthy psychological well-being and sound state of mind, im actually pleased with myself that i had gained another enlightenment level of curbing my haphazard emotional roller coaster thats running madly within my soul. It is really interesting to observe how my body and mind reacts to this dreadful situation i was faced with. As deadlines approached and level of output did not barely justify the amount of time left, i actually felt hard to breathe and my limbs went cold.i admit im not an emotional person and i rarely cry over trivial things, but the situation faced in this semester has reduced me to an easily succumbed crying soul. This physical change was aggravated by statements made (either intentionally or un-inentionally, for which i chose to belive it was purely un-intentional and was pure lamentations) such as "i woke up this morning and i really dont give a damn whether all our projects going to received a failed grade", "im sorry i did not put in as much effort as i could have been" and "who cares seriously". Not being a true academic fanatic and geeky mugger, i truely felt hurt when statements like this came out without proper brain-treatment and processing. It makes me wonder what truely encompasses the purpose of these projects by RMIT. By the end of today, i realise that the purpose of these projects done for this semester is to clearly highlight the perspectives of different individuals base on a wide spectrum of issues ranging from relationship issues to personal issues. Can i say im lucky to be void of all irksome issues which may be faced by various individuals over this entire semester. im lucky i do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend to care of, im lucky im not down with flu and cold this semester, im lucky to not have to work and study at the same time and im even more lucky that im not addicted to gaming which could entirely suck out your soul, leaving you with this empty outer casing. All this luckiness has resulted in my extremely gruelling semester that ive gone through and it seems that sometimes being unfortunately enough to be bugged down by issues such as those described above is a clear avenue to exercise escapism at its highest level. All in all, i think i would need a pretty long enough time to get over with all these inflamed emotions which im glad that it did not explode off under the public's eye.
For now, i need to rest.
